The Meaning of Now
by sulphurage
Summary: What happens when Rukia bids a final farewell to SS. RenjiXRukia!
1. Yesterday

What happens when Rukia bids a final farewell to SS. I like the RenjixRukia pairing! Standard disclaimers apply.

**The Meaning of Now  
**

_I. Yesterday_

Violent gusts of wind picked up over the plains, swiftly moving clouds shielding the sunset's brilliant vermillion. Light faded, but Kuchiki Rukia merely pushed strands of dark hair away from her eyes, leaning against a rock in the open field. She had sensed the reiatsu behind her for approximately the last ten seconds, but said nothing.

It would be a difficult conversation.

"So when are you gonna invite me to sit down, Kuchiki Rukia?"

The sadness that passed like ghost across her face went unnoticed by him; she didn't turn around.

"We're been friends since forever, you can sit anytime you like," she replied, sounding shriller than she intended to.

The next instant Abarai Renji was beside her, seated too close for comfort. In that moment her instinct was to move aside.

She didn't.

The winds died down to a light breeze. _The calm before the storm. _

"What's with the glum face?" he asked, looking straight ahead at the billowing clouds.

She could smell his scent in the air, the familiar combination of musk and sweat that reminded her of their childhood days. When everything was fun and nothing really mattered. When friends were people you protected and stayed loyal to. So what was the difference now?

"Nothing."

"You know, if you die tomorrow in some freak accident you're going to regret that you were so unhappy for nothing just your death," Renji mused, throwing his arms back in an exaggerated stretch. "You'll regret all the things you wanted to do but didn't."

Rukia forced a laugh, not bothering to give him the left hook he so deserved.

"I'm just worrying," she said, feeling her shoulder muscles tighten. "You said it before: I worry too much."

"Yeah," he murmured, his tone lowering. "What are you worrying about? You're going back to him in two days' time. It's where you want to be."

"What?" she retorted, turning to glare at Renji in anger. "What the hell does that mean?"

Oh no.

He did it again.

"Uh."

"What exactly are you trying to say?!"

Renji looked away from her incensed face and ran the sentence through in his mind. What did he say wrong?

Why did she always get pissed off at him so easily?

Why did he have to take it?

Wrath exploded somewhere inside, stalling all thought and sending adrenaline coursing through his veins.

"I'm saying that going back to Ichigo should make you happy! Isn't that right?!"

She stood up, gritting her teeth.

"You don't understand, Renji," she muttered.

"No, of course not!" he shouted as she turned away. "It's not like I know what love feels like!"

Watching her storm off, he let out a deep sigh.

_I can't seem to enter your world. _

_It's a pity… I'll never be a part of your future. _


	2. Today

_II. Today_

Rain.

Here she was, watching the weather again. What she excelled at – watching nature.

And being petty.

She sighed.

She wanted to stop being a coward and clear things up. _Now. _

Conscious of every step she took towards that room, Rukia knew this was wrong. There was an emotional _dissonance –_ why was she doing this if she knew it was _wrong?_

She opened the door without knocking, and almost slammed it back shut.

"WHAT THE HELL -!"

Grabbing his towel, the semi-dressed redhead shun-poed behind his wardrobe, cursing. With her eyes closed, she entered and slid the door shut.

"DO YOU MIND KNOCKING BEFORE ENTERING??"

"Did it cross your mind that lowering your volume might save you some embarrassment?" she replied, walking in and sitting conservatively on the only chair in the room.

She waited for him to dress before he came out, a disgruntled frown still complementing the rouge across his flushed cheeks. It struck her as odd that he was comfortable wearing just his sleeping pants with her in the room. She glanced at his upper body and wondered why her stomach did a somersault.

"I'm sorry for just now," she said quickly, blinking.

"Yeah, me too."

"I meant when we were outside yesterday." _No, actually, I mean for everything. _

"I was being a jerk, so we're even."

Those few words sounded so defeated, it seemed like they didn't come from his mouth. "So you've come to say goodbye?"

Glancing around the sparse room and noticing Zabimaru lying on the unmade bed, Rukia let out a small smile and shrugged.

"Just to apologize and spend some time with my childhood friend. No reason, really. Guess we won't be seeing each other for some time."

Renji leant on the edge of the desk beside her, folding his arms.

"Correct me if I'm wrong," he said softly. "There's something here that's holding you back."

Her breath caught.

"So have you made up your mind?"

Rukia looked out of the window. Really.. she felt like she was holding a toy that she was simply unwilling to put down.

The silence was like a Hollow that had crawled out of the darkness, eating up the space in the room.

"Well," he said. "Until you make up your mind…"

He dropped to his knees beside her, his face inches away from hers.

"Let me show you what's on mine."

Rukia couldn't close her eyes. The rain outside was falling harder, and his kiss was growing deeper. All she could see now were strands of dark red, his closed eyes and the determined, obstinate lines across his brows. More than that, she could feel the surge of warmth and emotions that he had been holding in, the frustration and pure affection flowing through him. Through her.

His tongue on her mouth reminded her of someone else… the One who was always on her mind…

Just as suddenly, he broke away.

Licking his lips, Renji chuckled. "So cold… You've already made up your mind, Rukia. Go back to him and stop breaking my heart."

Rukia stared at him, speechless. In that moment, she realized the meaning of now.

"I don't want to be sorry tomorrow."

Then she leant forward and kissed him, the ardor lingering even after her tongue left his mouth.

"Whoa."

He was surprised, but wrapped his arms around her, smirking.

"Tell me if you want to stop," he whispered, his lips tracing a quick line from her ear along her cheekbone. "I intend to go all the way until day break."


	3. Tomorrow

_III. Tomorrow_

Light flooded his vision as Renji jerked to consciousness.

The face before him was beautiful alright, but certainly not who he was expecting.

"Yes, Taicho," Renji slurred lackadaisically, sitting up. He didn't give a damn that he wasn't wearing anything in front of his captain. "Is there a matter so urgent you had to pull the curtains back this early in the morning?"

Kuchiki Byakuya stood by the window, looking regal and of course, perfect. His ebony eyes cast an appraising glance at Renji, from his unkempt hair to his suspiciously messy bed.

"Rukia has gone."

It came out sounding more like a statement, but there was a hint of question in there somewhere. Why did he have to speak like some omniscient deity who knew everything?

Renji looked away, narrowing his eyes in mild irritation.

"I know. She's supposed to go back today."

"You were too busy to send her off?"

Running his hand through his hair, Renji exhaled impatiently. "Sorry," he said, with a hint of reluctance. "I was too tired -"

"I hope she doesn't regret what she did," Byakuya interrupted him, with all the authority and arrogance of a noble in a senior rank. "You bear a heavy responsibility."

This visit didn't seem to involve formal SS work. Glaring up at the captain, Renji asked slowly, "Are you threatening me?"

Holding that glare without wavering an inch, the captain sighed imperceptibly.

"The thing I don't understand about you, Abarai, is how you like to make things harder for yourself.

"What you did was like taking your enemy's zanpakuto and twisting it in your own wound, injuring yourself more and leaving a worse scar. And Ichigo's zanpakuto is not a kind one. Letting go is more difficult, but it would mark a clean break."

Renji snorted, getting off the bed and pulling on his pants. Sitting back down on the edge of the bed, he took a deep breath.

"Taicho... you don't know your sister as well as I do then."

Renji ignored the fact that the temperature of the room had just dropped considerably.

"She's innocent, and cares more for other people than herself. I know last night she had already made up her mind between Ichigo and I.

"But she feels sorry. Not for me, but sorry that she can't be with me. And last night was her way of saying she would never apologise to me again. Where there's love, is there anything you cannot forgive? I'm the single moment before her 'forever and ever' with Ichigo. I feel her presence even though she's already gone, and she knows I'm always there for her."

Byakuya stared at him, clearly unable to see his logic in its entirety.

"Well," he muttered, after a few beats of clueless silence. "She looked happy when she left."

"There. That's the whole point," Renji said.

"That's everything."


End file.
